C.ARMEN

The moment when you finally realize..

Monday, April 14, 2014 / 11:56:00 AM

Hi Friend,

Remember me? How are you now? Its been a while since we talked.

How's life with your boyfriend? How's your study?

Well, I miss you so much.

When was the last time we talked?

When was the last time we met?

When was the last time we laughed together?

Have you forgotten about me?

We have drifted so far apart now that we don't even talk.

Had been reminiscing all that we were last time.

We were so close.

We got into trouble together, we got punish in class.

We got separated to each end of the class, but we were still able to talk, with all that hand signs and lips language..Don't you miss that?

We were that inseparable. We always had that never-ending conversations and laughter.

You were that cry-baby and i'm like that da jie da around you, telling you to be strong.

But now, who will be there to tell me to be strong?

I remember how we used to quarrel, got angry with each other, our friendship diary, our playtime after school.

I remember how i was so proud to tell my other friends that i had got this childhood friend that despite not always meeting, we still kept in touch. & despite that, when we met up, its always never-ending convos, & proudly telling myself that we will never drift apart.

Cause we promised to be friends forever, like literally forever.

I wonder where are all these now?

Maybe we've changed, maybe we've found better friends.

Maybe those were just childhood fun.

Still, whatever it is, I still wish you all the best in everything you do.

& Happy Advanced 21st Birthday my friend.

Labels: 朋友不是不会分开的吗?

DAMN IT!

Thursday, April 10, 2014 / 2:51:00 PM

I'm freaking going crazy. Completely no self control.

I could have done better. I could have just kept my emotions to myself and just shut up.

I really cannot manage my anger when it comes to my family member.

I need to seriously get a hold on myself.
Why am i this kind of person to you?
I mean i know you are just sad and scared, but why?
I look like those that will throw you aside and don't want you when you are old and naggy ?
I'm the one that keep stopping and crying when you all wants to send ah ma and ah gong in to nursing home.
What makes you think I will do that to you?
I know i'm not obedient, i'm not totally filial, but i can guarantee with my life that i won't ever do that.
Shittiest day ever.

indescribable

Tuesday, April 08, 2014 / 6:25:00 PM

Out of the blue, I'm feeling rather uncomfortable.
Not really in term of physically, but more to emotionally.
Getting a little breathless, heart pumping like F1 racer.
Happens to me a few times, & i dunno the reason.
Just a bad feeling, like i'm nervous.
uhhhh.....................

The deadliest feelings

Monday, April 07, 2014 / 12:16:00 AM

Ever always thinking that others are better than you ?
Ever envy others of what they possessed that you don't ?
Ever jealous of others because they can have what you can't ?
Ever hope that you can be anyone other than yourself ?
Well yes, I did. Everyone does that right ?
I get envious when I see people smarter, prettier, richer and dozens more if I must list.

At times, I simply can't see the good in me.
I have a loving boyfriend.
I have a family who stay by me through my hardest time.
I'm healthy, alive and kicking.
I have a not so bad future in front of me.
I may not be the prettiest or the sexiest, but I know that at least, I'm attractive in my own way. I don't have to act and not be myself to attract people.
I can be who I am and still have people who love me dearly.
I should be thankful for all these isn't it?
Yes I should be, but im human too. I'll get lost living in this superficial materialistic world, where fame, beauty and wealth rules it all. I'll tend to and am prone to letting greed and jealousy devour me.
And when that happens and I realise it, I'll convince myself that
"Hey everyone is like this, what's wrong ?"
But everything is wrong, I need to overlook and stumbled my way out all these "propaganda" that everyone is exposed to and made to believe !

I have to learn to love myself more, learning to accept whoever I am.
I don't need to have fair skin to be pretty, I can be tan and still look good as long as I feel good about myself.
I don't need to have many friends around me like those "pop" girls. I only need that few friends who never left and will never leave.
I need to know that i may not mean anything to an individual, but I may mean the world and much more to someone else :)

I don't need to have big eyes, sharp nose and a straight white shiny set of teeth to be beautiful, and while I possessed NONE of these, I'm still beautiful in my own way.
I am me, and I did a great job in being me !
Cause at the end of the day, who will know and love me more than myself ? :)
And lastly,

People whom you think are perfect and whom you aspire to be, may not be happy to be them. And who knows that while you are busy wishing that you can be pretty like her , or rich like him, someone else may be secretly hoping that they can be you!!

THEREFORE, I'LL BE PROUD TO BE ME AND NOT KEEP TRYING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE.

Love,
Me

Labels: I need to know that im different in my own way.

What's with me ?!

Friday, April 04, 2014 / 11:46:00 AM

"In life, people may treat you the way you think you don't deserve. But looking from another angle, they may think its the best that they can do for you. Don't judge too quickly."

Offensive ??

Can't you tell its cause we dun want to hurt you, or like dun wan to just remind you of anything that will make you feel sad, & thats wrong ? Really?

A mistake ? Had been asking myself that these 2 days, is that a mistake?

Perhaps its true, you don't belong here. and maybe its truer that we don't belong together?

But i don't want to give up you know ?

WELL YES IM CHILDISH TOO CAUSE I POSTED THAT,

BUT ITS FUCKING CAUSE I CARE OKAY,

I FUCKING CARE

A Random Day...

Thursday, April 03, 2014 / 6:06:00 PM

Ever wake up in the morning one fine day and you are just in such a good mood and you just tell yourself :
" Today is a good day! "... & then someone or something just have to come and ruin that RARE & WONDERFUL mood.
That was what exactly happen yesterday. Woke up feeling so happy, irritating people through whatsapp.
& BAM! ,just as i was about to leave house, something happened and i'm left feeling sad the whole day.

Those were the days... my friends...

Tuesday, April 01, 2014 / 4:03:00 PM

Yesterday, I was browsing through my old Photobucket account & saw a few of the photos from secondary school.
Looking back at those photos, something just struck me hard. Those days were gone. We've all grown up, We used to be like the only part of each others life, but now most of us are like strangers.
We had so much fun, quarrels, and many memories that were irreplaceable.
I had to admit, those were the best days of my school life.
Those childish acts are something that we've got no more excuses to do again.
Those " don't be friend with her la, she is a backstabber, hypocrite.....", "Eh after school go where?" &" Eh, we pangseh her la.." etc.. will not come out from us again.
We fall out and we got back, we quarrel and we patch back.
We got through everything, but not time.
I'm thankful for those who stick by me throughout all these years..
Im glad that the two of you came back into my life..
We chat, we htht, we plan for each other wedding in the future, you two could be the best friends in my life:)
& i'm definitely also thankful to those who go through the lowest point in my life with me, hopefully our friendship will last a lifetime :)